FRED SAID...
(Or How Proud I Am Of Headly & Sneadly)

Yeah, I’m one of those parents who does not tell their kids enough how much they mean to me or how extremely glad I am that the Most High blessed me with them. No excuse really. They are great kids who are normal but of course they do the average stuff that makes a parent scream. The latter doesn’t happen too often, yet, I am a task master to be damned—ask my son how heated I get if I even think he is going to miss the bus in the morning. But I digress. Notwithstanding, when they individually or collectively make my heart swell, I must share it. Today was one of those days. My son, Sneadly, was inducted into the Kappa League, a mentoring program of Kappa Alpha Psi.

It’s been a rough few years for the three of us. I have had to make some adjustments that neither my son nor my daughter, are digging too tough. But I continually press on, with and without regrets at every turn, hoping they can make the adjustments, too. There are moments where I feel totally defeated and want to give up, both as a parent and even as an adult who simply gives a damn. Yet, I keep putting one foot in front of the other. Waaaaay deep down inside, I keep hope that my actions are not for naught. And this morning, I got confirmation that the President is not the only one whose audacious hope has paid off.

We arrived as the young men were lining up in the hall, checking each other’s ties and what not. The men of the Kappa Alpha Psi were observing and giving pointers. I hung back and let Sneadly go ahead of me—apron strings were definitely a no-no here. So, I stood at the end of the hallway and quietly watched my son walk towards his fellow Kappa Leaguers and the Men of Kappa Alpha Phi. I got a little teary-eyed and a huge lump developed in my throat. As Sneadly made his way to the end of the line, each of the Kappas and Kappa Leaguer greeted him with a handshake and a “brother hug,” (i.e., handshake planted in between accompanied by a slight embrace and a welcoming slap on the back). Sneadly seemed right at home; I let out a sigh of relief. This is his first year with the group and although this day had been on our calendar for weeks, I was nervous. Headly, my daughter, did very well as a mentee in a sorority mentor program. Matter of fact, in her last year of said program, she was the Savannah Alumni Chapter Mentee of the Year. But children are not all the same—they are individuals. Will Sneadly like this program as much as Headly liked hers? I pray so.




As the president of the Kappa League concluded his speech today, he asked his fellow leaguers to stand, and lock arms. “If one of us struggles we all struggle,” he said defiantly. Now I really wanted to cry—Sneadly has some folk to lean on besides his mother and his sister. Moreover, these are young men who look like Sneadly and will “dig where he is coming from,” when his back is against the wall and “Mama just don’t understand.”

While those young men stood there shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow, pledging to keep each other afloat, I thought about Frederick Douglass’ quote, “If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” We have struggled as a family financially, emotionally and across the boards (yes, boards, plural). But shoot, what family doesn’t struggle? And, I deem the biggest challenge is the recent deaths of men in our family—my father and two of his brothers, passed within an 8 month period. These three men were awesome characters whom we all miss, especially my son. Nevertheless, I do not expect the mentors of the Kappa League to fill this void, I hope their guidance will ease some of the “stress of the struggle.” And there is plenty of struggle left—PSAT, SAT, college campus trips, finals, senioritis, etc. Furthermore, now that I’ve seen some “progress,” I’m willing to do whatever is necessary to get to the “success” part.

Headly is already majoring in some thing or another at Savannah State (I forget all the time; I just the sign on the dotted line and keep it pushing). Sneadly has expressed an interest in History as a major and perhaps a music minor (huge Jimi Hendrix fan, he is). To say I’m proud is an understatement—I am thrilled beyond words.

Axe.