NO ICE SKATES NECESSARY

Found myself in an awkward, emotionally painful and uncomfortable position this week; the need to speak with my best friend arose, but alas, they are unavailable...to me. Last weekend, about 4 days prior to my need, I made a severe error in judgment and made said friend of almost 7 years, angry. Not something I intended to do, but it occurred nonetheless. The deed is done.

Of course, I thought about this friend on the 3-hour drive back from visiting them. Ironically, the radio show I was listening to while driving dealt with forgiveness, or more specifically, why people choose not to forgive for so long. I listened intently, trying to stay focused as traffic grew thick in certain areas. I was convinced that my transgression would be forgotten before night fall. This friend always made sure that I arrived home safely and would be calling, or at the very least sending a text asking if I had in fact made it in okay. Yes, I assured myself, they wouldn’t be able to sleep until they knew I was safe. Besides, I had already apologized—and I meant it, too, so there was nothing else left.

Or was there?

The sun set and rose again. Then it set and rose again. It has repeated these actions several times over and I still had not heard a word, nor a syllable from my friend—or I guess I should say ex-friend now…?

What I had forgotten is that when people hurt, whether it is physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally, they need time to heal. Sometimes, unfortunately, they may never heal. I hope this is not the case with my friend, whom I took major advantage of in a fit of neglectfulness cause purely by selfishness. What I did, exactly, is not important. But the fact that I was looking out for number one without considering anyone else’s feelings is cold-blooded and cold-hearted. While I deserve to be called a number of things, I would not want to thought of as an unfeeling, mean bitch…well, the latter is okay if used in the right context.

Never say never, but, hurting someone and letting them down is the worse feeling in the world and I hope to never feel this way again. This person became my friend with the expectation that I would always treat them with respect and not act an ass. Of course, people do not come out and ask, “Are you going to screw me over? Cause if so, we cannot be friends…”

I pray that someday I will get a second chance to be a true friend again to this person. However, at the moment, they probably wouldn’t consider my friendship, even, “if hell freezes over.”

Oh yeah, the point: if you have friends, cherish them. And let them know how much they mean to you.

It takes a lifetime to find and keep good friends, but only takes a second to destroy a friendship.

Axe.

Currently Listening To: Giving Up by Donny Hathaway