STRIKES, FOUL BALLS AND ALL THAT GOOD SHIT

Note on this Note: if you are easily offended by profanity, this may not be the Note for you…

A Woman should never be like a bus—ridden by anyone, anywhere, anytime. And a Man should not be like an interchange, housing so many buses. No one wants to walk into a relationship with everyone having slept with your partner… ~ Mike Nab

This quote is written by a fellow alum about 7 years younger than I and wise beyond his years. And it gives me major cause to pause for two reasons. First, Mike’s right. Nobody wants to get all comfy and cozy with a person and then discover that said person has been intimate with any of your friends. Even a friend of a friend is hard to swallow. I have always avowed I am “a stingy bitch who refuses to share my m & m’s or my man…”

The second and last long pause is caused by the undeniable double standard. While Mike neither stated, nor implied that women are held to a higher moral standard, we are. No getting around that. And it’s been like that for a minute. Ironically, I recently came across an old clip from the film, Bingo Long All-Stars… The semi-fictional account of Negro baseball in the 1940s was made in 1974. In an opening exchange between superstar pitcher Bingo Long (phine-ass Billy December Williams) and his on the field nemesis, Leon Carter, the two men discover that they have something (or someone) in common.

Leon: I heard you done taken up with a hot number by the name of Violet.
Bingo: You heard right. Wait til you lay eyes on her.
Leon: Well if you are talking about Violet Graham (shoots Bingo a knowing glance sideways), I done laid more than eyes on her already.

Bingo tries to shake off the fact that his new found “jewel” has been screwing Leon. But it’s evident that Leon “gets Bingo’s dander up.” Prior to this exchange, it’s two strikes, and no balls. Yet instead of striking Leon out, Bingo goes off the mark. Carter, played by James Earl Jones, who was incredibly fine back in the day, hits a home run—out of the park, no less. Bingo half smiles tilts his head to the side and mumbles to himself that he was, “tired of Violet anyhow.”

Fast-forward to that evening when Violet greets Bingo at the local watering hole. She is ready to dance, dine, etc. (stress on the “etc.”) with Bingo. But Bingo stiffens and ever-so-smoothly takes a half a step back, advising Violet that she has “let him down.” Translation: Um, I had no idea you had fucked Leon.

It’s definitely a given that Violet had been intimate with Leon, probably in the very recent past, but she is not currently sleeping with him. So really, Bingo should have been willing to let what was past, “be past.” Furthermore, it usually takes one or two major infractions for a person to call it quits in a relationship; two people ordinarily have been going together for a while to actually make those miss-steps. Violet committed this offense, as it were, before she and Bingo got together. Ergo, it’s a “non-issue” because she anything or anybody she “did” before him, is none of his business. Yet, she doesn’t even have a chance to step up to the plate and take a full swing before he counts her out—damn!

Still, this brings me back to Mike’s statement. It’s disheartening to find out that your new boyfriend, or girlfriend has had a lot of partners, especially when those partners may travel in the same circles, or within spitting distance, of the ones that you do. Not only does it take the “fresh” feeling out of the relationship (shit, somebody else has in fact played with your new toy!), there’s the feeling that perhaps, you are now in possession damaged goods. Sure, you knew this person is not a virgin, but the fact that somebody else knows what you now know—or about to know, if you haven’t yet “done the do,” can put a damper on things. It makes you question if you want to continue to get to know that person on other levels because in fact, someone else already knows those levels. Someone else may know that story about how he really wanted to be a police officer because his Uncle was one. Or, that he went alone to the prom and watched the girl of his dreams (at the time) dance the night away with the captain of the football team. Or that he loves scary movies but the sight of Tinker Bell traumatizes him. Or the hopes and dreams he has for his firstborn. Or, that for him why it really is about making love and not just sex.

Most, but not all men are concerned with a woman being spotless. While women do have standards, in general, we are not overly concerned with who our current beau has been with—unless of course, it was another man (and that’s a whole other blog!). And of course we do get jealous if the former girlfriend is not totally out of the picture (Note to the Fellas: if she’s gone, let her STAY gone; don’t resurrect her number when your current lady won’t give you any or you get angry with her. Not a cool move at all). Violet was going to cuddle up with Bingo, although she has to know that as a ball player, he is going from town to town and has more moves than an overloaded and unbalanced washing machine; or maybe not. Yet, she is willing to take that chance.

Still, a new friend said something profound today about women and our choices. “This is why it is important to choose the right partner so that when we give energy to a man, he is also giving it back to us…like a plug and an outlet. ~ Nichelle Ryan (thanks, Lady!)


Axe.