RUN LONG
(Or, "Who's Got The Pepper?)

At 43.7 years of age, many, “old folk” clichés run through my mind on the regular. Pathetically, I find myself involuntarily repeating several of them aloud to younger people—to their dismay and mine. “You’ll understand when you get older.” “If I had to do it all over again…” “Work smart, not hard.”

The one plaguing me of late is, “you never miss your water…”

Twenty-five years ago, I had no problem coughing up 30 push-ups before starting to struggle. Today, 7 is an issue. My senior year in high school, I could do 69 sit-ups in a minute and boastfully possessed a washboard stomach. Now, I have a spare tire that has become a permanent part of my axle system. At 18, I enlisted in the Army weighing a lean 120 lbs. with massive amounts of energy to spare. Admittedly, I hated running; still, I made the best of it.  Without much effort, I usually earned a near perfect score in the Run category on my semi-annual fitness test. Now, it takes everything in me to pass that event; everything and then some!

So, as I watched an old episode of, “The Cosby Show” last week, it dawned on me that I am now extremely close to Cliff and Clair’s age. Damn. Cliff’s nightmares caused by the late night sausage sandwiches (after Clair warned him what would happen!) are now my nightmares after I have had my favorite meal of mac & cheese, yams, turkey meatloaf and corn after 10 p.m. Double damn.

In, “Back To The Track, Jack,” Cliff’s former college track rival challenges him to a relay rematch to settle an old score from back in the day. Struggling to prepare for the race, the good Dr. Huxtable laments regarding not being in the same shape as the rest of the other participants. Can’t exactly recall what I thought of Cliff’s dilemma when I first saw the show back in ‘85; old age settling in, I guess…

But more than I want to, I can now relate to his challenges in that episode. Your body simply refusing to do what it used to “do” is a hard pill to swallow, especially when you are in a physically demanding field. Although a part time Soldier, I have to keep step with everyone else. And while the military tests each member’s physical abilities based on their age group, I cannot help but recall my first active duty enlistment. My friends and I mercilessly teased older Soldiers who were close enough in rank and cool enough not to check us for insubordination. Ah, what a difference two decades and a break in service makes—alas, I am now the old Soldier!

Most of my fellow Reservists do not believe I am over 40; occasionally, someone asks to see my driver’s license. They are even more shocked that my old ass can keep up and sometimes I have the nerve to conduct running cadence. I take it all as a compliment. Said kudos eases my soul as I apply generous amounts of Icy Hot post-Reserve duty weekends.

Moreover, I remember the catchy motivational query and reply phrase used frequently in this Cosby episode.

Question: You got the pepper?

Response: I got the pepper!

Not sure exactly what exactly this question and its answer means, but it seemed to inspire Cliff.

The kudos and quote aside, I still cannot help but feel a sense of, “…chickens coming home to roost.” A, “what goes around, comes around,” aura. What did I “do” to deserve to get, “old?” What happened to the chick who won a few medals in high school, had the round ass and wore a size 8? Sadly, she has been replaced by this pathetic elderly woman who huffs and puffs on her weekly jogs, wishing, hoping that she, “had the pepper.”

P.S. to all the young people who I am always smothering with my years and years of knowledge, I have one last sentence of advice and it’s not a cliché, either. You listening? Come closer; here it is: don’t get old!